Outside voices: This too must pass- the longest awaited wrap up travel blog

So it's been several months of empty promises and finally I'm delivering. A wrap up of the ultimate highs and lows of my recent trip. I think I was just thinking that the longer I waited the less I had to admit the trip was over. In part this is to stop people asking about them so first the low lights and then the high and just to end off some crazy wacky food notes.

The worst of times

As is apparent of those who have been reading along as I travelled, Lisbon was the low light in terms of locales, but what of other happening:

Worst country- I was only there for a couple of hours but Slovenia wins. It was more than a bit too Soviet for my liking
Worst food- no surprises here, the China Airlines vegan "food" with its mystery textures, mystery smells and non-food-like taste.
Worst hostel- Lisbon, hands down. Just not clean and in non safe part of town and not a fun place to be trapped when it was storming outside but at least the people were OK
Worst dorm mate- Though there were close runners up in the Brazilian girls who stayed out all night and made tonnes of noise at 6am in Barcelona, woman in London in her fifties who was in the bottom bunk of my triple bunk wins. She complained LOUDLY every time someone spoke in the dorm even when it was after 7am and therefore kosher for the talking- they were speaking quietly and as they rightly pointed out to her one morning she was waking up more people than they were. The day I left her phone when off at 3am and she had a very loud conversation but then when I had to jump out of bed from my top bunk of the triple bunk (with the lack of ladder and all) to leave at 6am she screamed at me, "I can't believe you are waking us all up again, you already woke us up in the middle of the night!"- Considering I was in bed at 10pm and asleep before she came into the dorm (and in fact was asleep before she was every night I was there), I have no idea what she was talking about.
Worst time- The first French train trip when no-one spoke English and all the trains were delayed and/or cancelled and I ended up in tears...not a fun
Worst tourist attraction- it wasn't bad but the Eiffel Tower is a little too crawling with peddlers of random junk for my liking
Dullest church- St Stefan's Dom in Vienna. It was very dark and there isn't much to look at in it.
Worst airport- Lisbon! Just for the baggage loss and the amount of time I had to spend there.
Most unpleasant person- the bloke in a Post Office in Berlin who screamed at me when I was sick. The conversation went something like this:

Him (in German with much snappiness in his voice)- Can I use this pen?
Me (confused look of sick person)
Him (in German with even more snap) - Can I use this pen?
Me- I'm sorry? (switching to German) I only speak a little German
Him (switching to English)- Pah! If you are going to live in this country, you need to learn to speak the language.
Me (in quiet sick voice)- I don't live here. I'm on holiday
Him- Still, if I came to your country, you would expect me to speak your language
Me (in sick almost whisper)- No I wouldn't

After this I came up with a massive speech in German about how I was just visiting Germany and that I was sick and that I did speak German and how it was lucky other Germans weren't like him or they'd have no tourist industry. Thankfully he was long gone by then as he was aggressive and had I screamed back at him thing may have ended badly to say the least.

Biggest rip-off- It is a tie- Czech cabs and Malaysian tours! Just a note if the money is profoundly different to what you are used to, do the maths!
Biggest language issues- For all the French train confusion, I think my biggest issue with language came in Spain when I arrived at my hostel and found their night desk guy only spoke Catalan which I don't speak at all. It was much fun.
Ugliest locale- Jesenice in Slovenia. I was only there for a few hours but it was very Soviet and very bleak looking
Worst weather- Though Ireland's icy and dirty streets do rate a mention for their danger factor, this is yet another award in the category of worsts for......LISBON!

The best of times

The best country- It will come as a surprise to many what with my complaining about their train systems but the hands down winner was France. It had some of the best food, the best hostels and staying at the hostels some of the nicest people.
The best city- I'll exclude London as I'd been there before and as mentioned in my blog on Amsterdam is my favourite city in the world. When I was in Amsterdam, I mentioned that Amsterdam was now clocking in number 3 on Clare's list of favourite cities after London and Sydney. Sadly for Amsterdam, it is now number 4 and Sydney is now number 3. My favourite city on the trip, aside from London, was ultimately Paris especially the Monte Martre
Best food- Just so France doesn't cloud out all the bests (though the food in Nice was amazing), this isn't another tick for France. Italy also should rate a mention as the pizza in Venice was awesome as was the Indonesia meal I ate in Amsterdam and both the food and coffee at Queen of Tarts in Dublin. Ultimately though the best food was in Malaysia as by the time I got there I was craving spice like nothing on this earth. To add to this, dahl for breakfast is about the most genius idea ever.
Best hostel/hotel- And back to France....Both hostels in France were great but hands down the best hostel of this trip and in fact any trip I've taken was in Nice. Quality food, quality people, free wi-fi, clean, cheap alcohol and pretty location.
Best dorm mate- There were many good dorm mates (and in Scotland I stayed with friends) so I can't really pick for this one. The funniest was crazy Russian guy in Prague.
Best time- Wasting time chilling and wandering in Park Guell in Barcelona in the perfect Spanish winter weather with the sound of quality buskers in the distance.
Best tourist attraction- Again too many good ones to pick just one. The forerunners were the British Library, the van Gogh Museum, Anne Frank's House, Topography of Terror, Venice (the whole city is a tourist attraction really), anything Gaudi related in Barcelona and the Decorative Arts Museum in Paris.
Most exciting church- St Paul's in London, Roslin chapel, and Norte Dame all rate a mention but no surprises here. The most exciting church was by far and away the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona....everyone must visit it!
Best airport- Singapore....what with its butterfly park, cactus farm, free movies, chairs for sleeping and free foot massage machines- what more could you want? A food court, it has several. Lots of shops, them too. A pool, yep. A games room, more than one. You can tell its a transit hub.
Biggest bargain- Most of these were food related like pizza in Venice and the meals at the hostels in Berlin and Nice. Also worth of mention are the free walking tours in Prague, the Paris Museum card and the I <3 Amsterdam card, and the free wi-fi at many of the hostels and airports around Europe.
Fewest language issues- Well being as I speak English and so do people in the UK and Ireland, and also most people in the Netherlands and Malaysia, I'll leave them aside. I think my biggest language break through was walking through a museum in Nice and managing to understand a lot of the French on the signs even though I don't speak it.
Prettiest locale- Sintra in Portugal and Blarney in Ireland tie for this one. Both so pretty and so worth the visit.
Best weather- Barcelona where it was sunny with a light breeze and about 12-13 degrees for the entirety of my stay.
Best Christmas Market- none were bad but for sheer tackiness this goes to Hyde Park in London

So there you have it and you can stop asking about the bests and worsts. To end some random notes on food in its bizarrity and entertainingness, which I was making as I travelled albeit intermittently:

Spotted/Eaten in the UK

Fair trade kit kats- isn’t fair trade and nestle in the same sentence oxymoronic
Cooperative food- the co-op supermarkets have their own brand so you can pay co-operative eggs or co-operative sausages. It makes me laugh though others could really understand why

Bovril posters- now I don't drink Bovril for obvious reasons but it comes from Roslin so we went to a cafe named after it (Bovril Johnstons....very good cafe with great hot chocolate and giant brownies BTW). On the walls of this cafe are Bovril adverts from the past which in an odd slightly sadistic all include cows who are encouraging you to drink Bovril.

Ireland

Crisps- aside from the Bloody Mary crisps without alcohol in them and the Buffalo crisp which are suitable for vegetarians, both of which are odd in their own right, what is the deal with the Irish (and the British for that matter) and crisps?!?! Instead of potato chips on the side of meals, they often come with crisps which I find bizarre especially when I was given favoured not plain crisps with a sandwich in Cork.

Zurich

Maccas vouchers- what to get the person who has everything! Adverted as a great Christmas present for grandma in the railway station in Zurich

Amsterdam

Olives in Caesar salad- enough said really. That was plain weird and unexpected

Berlin

Would you like potatoes with those potatoes? Germans love their spuds it seems. They were on offer at every dinner often in various forms i.e. mashed, chips, wedges and boiled all at one meal.

Prague

Ketchup on everything. It showed up with pizza one day and pasta (which had a pesto sauce already) the next

Train between Prague and Vienna

Broccoli soup with sweetened whipped cream in it. Much like the olives in caesar salad, enough said there. But unlike the olives in caesar salad, this combo was not that tasty.

Everywhere

Chocolate muesli or cereal with cocoa on the side. Can I say gross? Muesli is the healthy option and adding chocolate kills it- be warned if you're in Europe and you pick up muesli you may find chocolate chunks. And the cocoa in cereal thing, just buy coco pops if that's what you want, people! I fail to understand why so many European were into the cocoa on cereal thing
Finally just because it can't be said enough, can someone PLEASE teach the people of Europe (especially the UK) to make decent coffee?!?!? The most horrifying thing I saw on the trip was that while the good Australian coffee makers stay in Sydney and Melbourne, Gloria Jeans has now spread its hideousness to Ireland and the Czech Republic. Baristas of Australia, Europe is calling.