For some people this isn't news but this seems to be the best way to maybe get it out to larger crowd... as of two weeks ago, I'm no longer a PhD student and not for a happy reason. No I didn't get kicked out as there is no cause for that... I withdrew. Now for many of you, this seems like a weird thing to make a big deal out as withdrawal from a degree is just not a big thing in your mind. This is even true of a small number of research students who withdraw within their first year. However some of you (the research students, and their close family and friends) you get this, and so I thought I'd give the rest of you some tips on dealing with the average research student and see if you get why this is a big deal.
I started my PhD back in 2007 so it has been part of my life for longer than many people out have held their jobs, been married, had their kids, lived in their current houses/flats, had their group of friends, been in their relationship, etc, etc. Now I'm not comparing a research degree to your kids (though many people have compared a PhD to a child in the past) but if you are emotionally connected to your house or your job or your friends or your relationship, just imagine that you can be that connected to a degree. People very rarely do a research degree out of duty as they are a ridiculously hard slog and in many fields (especially the humanities) there is pretty much ABSOLUTELY no prospect of a job at the end, it is a labour (and a half) of love...people are usually highly emotionally tied to their thesis and their ability to work on it well or not can dictate their moods. For this reason, NEVER, I repeat NEVER, ask a research student who you aren't spectacularly close to "how is the PhD going?" unless they bring it up first. The time of numbers I had to fake a smile and say everything was good when I was deeply upset about the fact that I hadn't had time to work on my thesis for weeks is beyond counting.
Be nice to research students as they are likely putting many things you things you think of as big life things on hold to do this thesis. They are also one of two things- either full time and struggling to make ends meet on a tiny scholarship, or part time and struggling to find time to work on their thesis as they juggle other life commitments (in my case full time work...a note for potential research students out there, full time work combo-ed with part time distance research study is one of the stupidest ideas out there, DON'T DO IT!).
So there are some tips such as they are in their not very detailed way...
So the questions that people have asked me specifically:
Why withdraw? Since an ill advised work move about two years ago, I have had next to zero time to work on my thesis. If the above about people loving their research was not true of me, that wouldn't bother me, but sadly it is. Instead of just forgetting it, it has been a gnawing constant stress and occasionally something that led to more than few tears. I kept telling myself that I could find time and that there would be a window somewhere that would let me get back on track but after a particularly stressful time earlier this year, I suddenly found myself saying to one of my close friends, "I think I might need to think about withdrawing from my PhD". That was about six months ago, and as recently as a month and a half ago, I was still saying to myself and occasionally to him and the other friend who knew I was considering withdrawing, "maybe I can juggle things and finish my PhD". It was a massive decision but I think it was for the best.
How does it feel? I'm slowly recovering but still pretty emotional. Currently every status by a research student facebook friend about their research (even one friend who is in honours) is difficult to read, though there are mixed emotions for those who are finishing as I am very happy for you too. After conversations in real life with my research student friends and dealings with research students at work, I at times find myself struggling with the tears. If your next question is do I need a hug, possibly but only if you are one of few people I'm comfortable with hugging me (the about ten of you know who you are)...otherwise just give me my emotional space, spare me a prayer (if you are so inclined), and just be careful with me as I'm likely to take things a little more to heart than I normally would. I predict I'll be fine in a month or so.
Will I go back to it? Over past week or so as I've started to talk about it, many people have said as a first response to my withdrawing, "you'll go back to it one day, you love it too much to give it up completely". I can't say for sure on this front. The plan is to try and put stuff together for publication in December/January when I have some time on my hands- definitely at least one thing but ideally I'm hoping that I can start on at least three or four articles based what I had done on my thesis and some stuff I have hanging around from honours and try and publish them over the course of the next year. This means that the option of going back to a PhD in English literature won't be out of the question. My love of under researched works by female authors in the 19th century isn't going anywhere, nor is my belief in the importance of understanding where speculative fiction came from. I love doing research and whatever I may say sarcastically I deeply believe in the importance of academia. I would not be at all surprised to find myself enrolling in another research degree in the future; it might be in English literature or I might go back to my other love, Jewish history, or maybe something else entirely. So who knows?
What next? Well the rest of my life stays as it is for the moment as being part time, there are a tonne of things in my life that aren't related to my PhD...too many things some would argue. As I said, I plan to work on publishing articles later in the year. After that I hope to cut back down to one job in 2014 if that is possible and to return to very part time study...I'm enrolling in one subject at bible college and an on campus evening student which I think will be much easily for me then trying to do distance study again (not studying at all seems to not be an option for me but I should stress that I'm definitely did not withdraw just to switch degrees). I'm also hoping to start a new more collaborative blog soon which will focus on the very specific topic of Christian community...more news to come and don't worry this blog isn't going anywhere.
So I've done my emotional blurt to the internet...that was awkward but as I said it was the easiest way to spread the news...
Very sad to think the only thing in this photo still going is the $2 teapot from the Reject Shop (this computer died ages ago, the cup is chipped, and I can even bring myself to look at the book)
